Wario. Now, what the hell is up with this guy? A head the size of his body, general lack of hygene, an obsession with money and food... calling him "weird" is an understatement. But he's badass. REALLY badass. Here's why!
#1 - He's really, REALLY strong!
Look at the guy. Sure, he's fat. But just a glance at his arms will tell you that he's RIPPED. It's been stated that he weighs in at a hefty 308 lbs, and let me tell you, it's not all fat. Is he in the same league as, say, Donkey Kong, or Bowser? No. But he can lift crates over his head with relative ease... not someone I'd want to meet in a dark alley!
#2 - He's a biker!
When you think of hardcore, you undoubtably think of tough guys. Leather jackets, cigarettes, Harley Davidsons. Well, Wario's pretty darn close! Denim jacket, garlic, and his custom-built Wario Chopper. The Wario Chopper (or Wario Bike, depending on your source) has a "5,000cc, 4-stroke, 350HP engine" and can move at speeds "up to 217 miles per hour." If that's not badass, nothing is.
#3 - He's a pimp!
Some may call it pedophilia, but I call it pimpitude. Wario has had many a tryst over the years, from the piratess Captain Syrup to a personalized princess to the spunky high-schooler Mona. Even Toadette is his "secret friend." He's greedy, ugly, and lacks any amount of cleanliness, but women throw themselves at him.
#4 - He's the smartest guy around!
Yup, even as a baby he was brilliant. Wario has created HUNDREDS of inventions over the years, from simple money-grubbing machines to a dimensional transporter. While it may just be Dr. Crygor rubbing off on him, the evidence behind his numerous mechanical contraptions in irrefutable.
#5 - He has an iron stomach and a magic mouth!
Can you eat a box twice your size, have it explode inside of you, then use the gas produced to kill your enemies? Didn't think so. Well, Wario can. He can swallow Donkey Kong up to the knees and EAT missiles shot at him. Badass? Not really. Kickass? Obviously.
#6 - He's a master of disguise!
Frozen, Crazy, Artsy, Flat, Hot, Dragon, Wicked. What do all these things have in common? They're powers Wario can obtain. If you think Mario has picked up a lot of transformations over the years, you should look at Wario! There's at least a dozen different forms he's taken in his years as an adventurer.
#7 - He owns a massive gaming company, castles full of treasure, and is otherwise filthy stinkin' rich!
Face it. Wario has more money than ANYONE in the history of Nintendo. Bowser? A hundreth. Zelda? A tenth. Put together all the coins Mario's collected over the years and I doubt you'd even have HALF as much cash as Wario's amassed. He could buy and sell you... but he's a greedy bastard, so I doubt he'd spend a cent on such a useless purchase.
...and there you have it. Wario is badass. Ganondorf has NOTHIN' on this guy.
(Hee hee, that was fun to write.)
Heroic Monkey
Whoa, hold on! Don't go spreading the goodness of Wario...he's my character!
Lord Pyre
Gave me a good laugh... Hehe...
Though Captain Syrup was his nemeses/rival, not lover. I doubt he really had a lover, but whatever...
MadNik
Heroic Monkey wrote:
Whoa, hold on! Don't go spreading the goodness of Wario...he's my character!
Yeah, hes very very good. I use him a lot too. I love spamming the bike...
johnny139
Lord Pyre wrote:
Though Captain Syrup was his nemeses/rival, not lover. I doubt he really had a lover, but whatever...
Shh... not that many people have played Wario Land. >_>
